Tangled
by DancinOnHeaven'sDoorstep
Summary: Today just isn't Mustang's day. First he has to get dragged into Fullmetal's stupid mess. Then things have to go drastically wrong (no surprise there, this is Fullmetal's mission, after all). Now there's a guy in his head insisting Mustang take him back to his ship or he'll cut the flame alchemist into jalapenos. Mustang blames Fullmetal.
1. It just had to be today, didn't it?

_**Hello everyone! In case you hadn't noticed, this is a One Piece/Fullmetal Alchemist crossover. Sound insane? Probably! But who cares. I'm just doing this for fun anyway. **__**  
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_**Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer:**__** I do not own One Piece or Fullmetal Alchemist. They belong to whoever they belong to – that is not me – and I'm too lazy to look it up. But whomever you are, thank you, you wonderful person.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 1<span>

It just had to be today, didn't it?

* * *

><p>The moment Roy's day started going downhill was when he got the phone call.<p>

That didn't mean, however, that it _hadn't_ already been going downhill. The distinct headache that centered right between his eyes was an attest to that, along with the general tiredness and every other wonderful symptom that came from a night out with Maes Hughes.

_What was it he called it again?_ Roy thought, rubbing the delicate ridge of bone between his eyes. _Oh yeah, "quality friend time". Remember to buy movie tickets next time Hughes just wants to blab about his daughter._

"Have you ever considered, sir, to simply refrain from drinking on a work night in the first place?"

Roy grimaced, wondering when he had started mumbling aloud. Riza Hawkeye, always her starkish self, wasn't looking at him, but was rather sorting through a large stack of papers on her desk that Roy assumed belonged to him.

Resting his head on one propped-up hand, Roy closed his eyes. Only for a moment, he told himself. Good thing Hawkeye was the only one in the office today, else he would have to deal with a whole slew of teasing remarks. "Oh yeah? What brought on that realization?" he muttered, too tired and cranky to refrain from his standard sarcasm.

Hawkeye didn't even bat an eye at his misery. "Just some friendly advice, sir," she said, setting a very thick stack of papers on his desk. "These are due tomorrow at noon sharp. I would suggest getting started."

The Colonel cracked open an eye and glared at the dreaded reports. It was already four in the afternoon. Just one tiny spark, and…

Before Roy had an opportunity to finish that thought, the phone on his desk rang loudly. The sound somehow managed to drive a corkscrew right to the center of his cranium.

"What?" he growled after picking up the receiver.

The voice on the other end of the line was annoyingly familiar. "Jeez, Colonel, greet your superiors like _that_ and you'll never get promoted."

"Fullmetal," Roy said, straitening up in his seat a couple of centimeters. "This is a surprise. I didn't think to get a report from you for another couple of days."

"Yeah, you and me both. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do today was have a conversation with my hung-over superior up at HQ."

Roy started to get that twitch in his eyebrow he reserved for Hughes when the Lieutenant wouldn't shut up about his wife and the ever-insolent Edward Elric. "That supposed to be funny, Fullmetal? Because today I'm not in the mood for jokes."

"Neither am I."

The gravity if Fullmetal's voice gave Roy pause. He sounded…grim, even for Edward. "Did something happen?" he asked in seriousness, reserving the smart remarks for later.

"You could say that." He lowered his voice. "The investigation you assigned us took a …unexpected turn. There's something here I think you should see."

Roy sighed. "Fullmetal, I don't think asking me to come all the way to East City is-"

"We aren't in East City anymore," Ed interrupted in a low tone. "Al and I took an overnight train west. We're in Central."

Roy abruptly sat up. "You're in Central and you didn't think of informing me first?" he nearly shouted, gripping the phone with both hands. Boy was he _not_ in the mood to deal with this today.

"Jeez, Mustang, would you calm down? Yeah, I may have failed to mention that little detail earlier, but you don't have to have a fit about it."

That twitch in his eyebrow was back. It wasn't really because the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother hadn't _told _him of their arrival, but more because they had done it inconspicuously and right under his nose. "Very well then, mind explaining to me exactly why you decided to abandon your mission and come back to Central? Because I'd really like to know."

There was a long pause, then, "look, Colonel, it would be better if you just came and saw this for yourself. I'm calling from a phone booth just east of Copper Street. Get here as quickly as you can."

"Edward, don't you dare-"

He hung up.

Roy didn't think it was possible to break a telephone receiver just by strangling it, but he figured now was a good time to try.

"Sir, please don't take out your aggression on the phone. Again."

All the anger seemed to boil over, and Mustang let out another sigh as he placed the receiver back in its place – a tired, stressed sound. As far as he knew, Fullmetal had been chasing down a rouge alchemist. Someone who was dabbling in things he shouldn't. A nobody. But from the tone of Edward's voice, Mustang guessed that it wasn't anything so simple now.

Roy stood up, paused to let his dizziness dribble down a bit, then looked over to see the Lieutenant already ready and waiting for him. "Trouble, sir?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said with a more dramatic sigh. "Looks like we're going to be taking a trip downtown. Time to see what Fullmetal was gotten himself into this time."

* * *

><p>Of all the people on earth, Roy guessed that Edward was the easiest to find. Not only did he have on his trademark red coat, but all you had to do to spot him was look for the seven-foot hulking suit of armor that was always at his shoulder.<p>

Or at his head. Or his…well, you get the picture.

"Took you long enough," the young alchemist retorted when Roy stepped out of the military car. He had managed to gather Second Lieutenants Breda and Havoc on his way over, and they followed after him.

"Fullmetal," he said in return. Normally, this would be the moment where Roy would make some insulting comeback about Edward's height – especially after their little conversation on the phone – but today he refrained himself. Something in Edward's eyes and the way Alphonse kept his head down set Roy on edge, and he knew that whatever had happened, it wasn't good.

"Well this place looks welcoming," said Havoc, a cigarette stuck firmly between his teeth. Behind the two brothers stood an old warehouse that looked to be at the end of its rope. The windows were boarded up, and the roof sagged dangerously.

"Come on," said Edward, turning around swiftly and marching toward the abandoned shed. Everyone looked at Mustang for confirmation, but he just shrugged and stalked after the alchemist. They could stay by the car if they wanted. Mustang wasn't in the mood to care.

"Mind explaining what exactly is going on here, Fullmetal?" Roy growled as he caught up. "Or why this couldn't have been handled by military police?"

Edward didn't answer. Instead he pushed through the crumbling doorway, disappearing into the dark interior of the building. Roy followed after him.

The air inside the large warehouse was musty with the smell of rotting wood, and Mustang covered his nose – left hand ready to create a spark should anything jump out at them. Little rays of light filtered through the boarded up windows, but other than that, everything was dark. He didn't have to wait long, however, because a moment later a familiar clapping sound filled the air, along with the bright sparks of a transmutation.

Once the room was completely illuminated, Roy gasped.

"Yeah, that was my first reaction too," Fullmetal said, crossing his arms.

Before them was a huge room, covered wall-to-wall with painted and chalked transmutation circles. The floor was scattered with broken cylinders and random items, from a toy doll to what looked like a cat skeleton. Books lay in piles all around, some ripped up and mutilated, while others stacked neatly together. Near the back left was a worn mattress, but the bed sheets were strewn across the floor, also covered in transmutation circles. In fact, Roy didn't think there was a single surface inside the warehouse that _didn't_ have something alchemic written on it. Even the ceiling – though Roy hadn't the slightest idea how anyone had managed _that_.

"Oh wow," said Breda as he and the other pushed their way inside. Alphonse had to take his head off so he could fit through the broken doorway.

"I take it, Fullmetal, that the person I assigned you to bring in for questioning used to live here?" Mustang inquired.

The youngest alchemist nodded. "Colbra Doran. Still don't know much about him though. Well, aside from…this." He gestured at the mess. "Anyway, Al and I lost his trail back in East City, but managed to find another one from several mouths back that led to this place."

"Do you think anyone's home?" asked Havoc, cautiously pushing a broken shovel with the tip of his boot.

"You don't have to worry," Alphonse said, walking over to a wall and running his hand over a strange transmutation circle. "Brother and I inspected the place earlier. No one has lived here for a long time."

"Glad to know you were having fun," Roy growled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Anyway," Alphonse continued, "both of us have been inspecting the transmutation circles, but not even Brother could make any sense of them. We thought the Colonel might be able to help."

Roy nodded at Alphonse, then turned back to the rest of his men. "Alright! Spread out and see if you can find any clues to Doran's whereabouts."

His subordinates saluted him, then began rummaging through the disaster area. Despite Alphonse's assurance, they all kept a close hand to their military-issued firearms.

After stealing a moment to close his eyes and retake his bearings, Roy turned to the small alchemist shuffling through the dusty stack of books on the floor. "Ok, Fullmetal, fess up. Why couldn't you tell me about this over the phone?"

Edward was silent for nearly a minute, then he shut the book he was looking through with a loud snap and mumbled something Roy couldn't hear.

"What?" he said, frowning.

"BecauseIneededyourhelp…."

One of Roy's eyebrows arched up. "What was that again?"

"Because we need your help, OK?" Ed snapped.

Despite his pounding head, Roy felt a smug grin overtake his face. "Oh really? And what could possibly make the great Fullmetal Alchemist beg for _my _help?"

"Who's begging?" Fullmetal growled out between his teeth.

"Oh please, Fullmetal," Roy said, waving his arm casually as he walked past the teen, enjoying the feel of Edward steaming behind him. "If you didn't want the whole military to hear you asking for help over the public line, you could have just said so."

Ignoring the young alchemist's swearing, Roy ran a hand over a large circle on the wall. Alphonse had been right when he said the symbols didn't make any sense. Though the circle in front of him was even on all of its six sides, there was no clear indication of what it was transmuting. Twisting lines of various lengths pointed toward the circle's center – a small oval inside what appeared to be a star.

But that wasn't even the most interesting part. Instead of meeting, the bottom part of the symbol split off from the main body – running down the wall and onto the floorboards as two parallel lines.

Roy walked over to the where the paint disappeared under a pile of books. Using a foot, he shoved then to the side, upsetting layers of dust. The lines had stopped and spread apart from each other once again, nearly identical to the way it had done so on the wall.

_Two…_combined_ transmutation circles? _

Roy tossed more books out of the way, trying to get a better picture of what was on the floor. He touched the chipped paint, trying to sync with the circle. _Where is the energy going?_ He wondered, closing his eyes. _What are you trying to accomplish?_

But something was blocking the flow. Frustrated, he pushed at it, willing the energy to circulate, to show him its destination.

"Hey, Coronal, what are you doing?"

Roy's eyes snapped open, and he gasped. The whole room was glowing a bright purple, and it was coming from the transmutation circle beneath his palms.

_W-what?!_ he thought frantically_. I didn't activate the circle!_ _I didn't even think it _could _be activated!_ But something else was calling for his immediate attention.

… Edward was standing right on top of it.

"Fullmetal!" Roy shouted frantically. "Get off the circle!"

Edward had been looking at the glowing symbol on the wall, but now he glanced downward and yelped. "The hell?!"

_Stupid kid! He's not going to be fast enough!_

Managing to get a foot under himself, Roy launched off the floor and straight toward the young alchemist. He wasn't fast enough, however, because as soon as his boot touched the cement, the circle activated.

* * *

><p>Looking back, Roy he could never recall what really happened in that instant.<p>

One second he had been trying desperately to reach Fullmetal – the next, everything exploded into white.

And pain.

He didn't remember the cries of his comrades. Didn't remember the screams bursting from his own throat. Didn't remember falling.

One second he was there, and the next, he was gone.

And wherever gone was, it was really, really far.

It was like he was flying, or simply standing there, as everything – his own life, Amestris, _existence itself_ – passed by. He was going so fast, the memories of life only lasted a millisecond, but somehow it felt like forever.

Then, things slowed down.

He was standing in a white room. Here, he didn't have a shadow, nor was there a floor that he could see. In front of him was a hole in existence, and inside he saw a ship.

It was a small, funny-looking vessel. Roy had never seen the ocean before – or a real ocean ship, for that matter – but he had never imagined them to look like _that_. Dark clouds had gathered, and the sea stormed with a fury Roy didn't think possible. The people on board scrambled around like chickens with their heads cut off. The only organization he could see was the crew members yelling at each other as lightning flashed all around. It was almost comical, really, and from Roy's military-hardened perspective, it looked utterly disastrous.

Two of the members, Roy noted, were trying to pry a third person off a large refrigerator. The third one, a young man with a straw hat, had his teeth sunk into an enormously huge chunk of meat. They were yelling at the straw hat kid, but their words were lost to Roy in his silent universe.

As the scene played out, Roy noticed a change all around him. The white world slowly began darkening. It was like he was falling, but that didn't seem to matter anymore. All he could do now was sink…

Ka_BOOOM_!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Roy looked up just in time to see one of the two men, a green-haired guy, come hurtling through the portal and crash head-first into the flame alchemist.

Oh, Fullmetal was _so_ going to pay for this.

* * *

><p>Waking up felt like death. In fact, groaning in misery didn't even seem to help. Neither did the cute nurse that was instantly at his side.<p>

Ok, maybe the nurse helped a little bit.

_Love-sick moron,_ he scolded himself. Then he inwardly shrugged. Hey, if it worked…

"Colonel? Sir, can you hear me?"

_Colonel? Who the hell is she calling a Colonel?_ Then, _oh yes, that's my title. I should probably know that._

The person leaning over him was no longer the nurse, but another woman with dazzling features and hair tired up into a bun. "Hawkeye?" he asked groggily.

For a second, Roy thought he saw intense relief flash through her eyes, but it disappeared just as quickly. Boy, he must still be drunk if he thought Hawkeye was _that_ concerned about him.

"I'm right here, sir. Do you remember what happened?"

"I don't…." Roy placed a hand on his head. What was wrong with his brain? All he could remember was something about a ship…and that he owed Fullmetal a punch to the face. No, that wasn't quite true. He remembered lightning. A very painful bolt of lightning, flashing like a brilliant steak of fire that split the sky in two. He tried to sit up – noting the stark-white walls and nearly barren room – but Hawkeye gently pushed him back down from her chair beside his bed. "You shouldn't be sitting up just yet, sir. You've been hospitalized for more than twenty-four hours."

His eyes widened. Twenty-four hours? Roy knew he ought to be worried, but all he could think was, _at least now I have an excuse to put off doing paperwork. _

But then he thought, _…has the lieutenant been waiting for me to wake up this entire time?_

"I feel like I went drinking again with Hughes," Roy muttered, closing his eyes. He tried to breath in deeply – a technique his master had taught him to clear his head – but the fuzziness clinging to his thoughts refused to lift.

"That's not surprising," Hawkeye said, resting her hands in her lap. "The doctor issued you a moderate dose of painkillers only a couple of hours ago. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Painkillers, huh?"

Then a thought suddenly struck him. "Fullmetal!" he gasped, sitting up. Hawkeye tried to convince him back down again, but he grabbed her arm. "What happened to Edward? Is he alright?"

Hawkeye looked surprised. "Edward? He's…"

Just then, someone inside the hospital let lose a strangled yell. It was a noise of pure terror, and it sounded startlingly like Edward Elric.

"Fullmetal!" Roy threw off his sheets and sprang from the bed, ripping the IV from his arm while he was at it – but he didn't care. He staggered to the door and quickly rushed into the hallway, just in time to see the Fullmetal Alchemist come stumbling out of his own room.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ARM?!"

Edward was in hysterics, holding his automail as if it was an infection. Then he noticed his own metal foot and proceeded to yell about it as well until he crashed into the wall.

"Brother!" Alphonse was beside his sibling in an instant, but Edward just shoved him off, clinging to the wall as if it was the only stable thing in the room.

"Nami? Robin? What the hell is going on here?! Where am I?!"

"Love-cook?"

Everyone froze. Then, slowly, turned to look at Mustang.

Roy blinked. Had _he_ just said that?

But Edward's eyes only grew wide with recognition, and he answered.

"...Zoro?"


	2. Ok, now things have gotten weird

Chapter 2

Ok, now things have gotten weird

* * *

><p>Despite what he may have thought, Mustang wasn't the only one having a bad day.<p>

There was another man, a vicious pirate know throughout the four oceans, who also wasn't particularly happy about his current situation – though that wasn't really surprising. After all, who expects to be struck by lightning when they wake up in the morning?

And his name, as of spoken by the Fullmetal Alchemist earlier, just so happened to be Roronoa Zoro.

The day had started out normal enough. Usopp, having nothing better to do, decided to go fishing. Naturally, that meant everyone else had to join him, and it didn't take long for the band of merry pirates to catch a fish so multi-colored it was like looking at crisscrossing rainbows. Turns out, though, that this bag of scales was a rarity, and the ero-cook, in his normal pushy fashion, declared that anyone who laid a single finger on the rare delicacy would suffer the full force of his wrath (aside from Robin and Nami, of course). The fish was so large, the cook had to store some outside the kitchen in a large freezer he built himself.

From there, everything was practically prophesied. The fish remained in the freezer. Luffy wanted to eat it. Sanji beat the living day-lights out of him. Repeat.

Not that Zoro really cared. It was all during his typical between morning and mid-morning nap anyway, and he only heard half the commotion. Truth be told, though, he wasn't sleeping _nearly_ as well as he typically did. Half the commotion was still _half the commotion_, and twice as much as he normally heard when taking a nap.

Troubled, he decided to use the portion of his brain still awake to contemplate this when Nami's voice rang out over the sounds of his enthusiastic crewmates.

"Hey, everybody gather on the canon deck! And would someone _please_ wake up Zoro?"

Casually, Zoro lifted Wado Ichimonji and blocked the kicked aimed right for his head. "Trying to kill me?" he asked, cracking open an eye.

"Whatever makes you feel better," sneered the cook. "Get off your butt, you lazy-ass swordsman. The beautiful Nami wants everyone on the canon deck, and it's disrespectful to ignore a lady's call." With one last glare, he turned away from Zoro, melting once he caught sight of his beautiful "lady". "Oh Na_mi_! I woke up Mosshead for you!"

After having a nice long stretch and a yawn that could've swallowed the whole East Blue, Zoro went to join the crew, noting for the first time the large storm clouds quickly gathering above the ship.

"It's official," Nami was saying, looking at a map. "We've reached the Lightning Graveyard."

"Gr-graveyard?!" Usopp said, his knees knocking together in typical coward-esque fashion.

Robin placed a hand on her chin. "I've heard of that. Isn't it a section of sea known for its severe year-round lightning storms?"

"That sounds really dangerous!" said Chopper.

Nami rolled up the map she had been inspecting and smirked. "Yep, but you guys don't have anything to worry about. This sea may be dangerous, but it can't be any worse than all the other storms we've traveled through. All we have to do is carefully maintain the sails and we should be alright."

"I don't know," Usopp said nervously. "They don't call it a graveyard for nothing."

Luffy didn't seem to hear the snipers concern. "Alright!" he exclaimed, putting both fists in the air. "Now we can eat fish – I mean lunch!"

"Not a chance," said the cook, placing the heel of his boot on their captain's head. "Touch that fish and you die."

Zoro stretched again, pulling at the muscles on his biceps and upper arms as he turned to walk down the ship steps. "Well, if that's all then I'm going back to sleep."

"Not so fast." Nami placed the map she was holding on Zoro's shoulder as if it was a deadly sword. And, for Nami, it kinda was. "I need you to stand by and help maintain the sails. It's going to take us several days to travel through the Lightning Graveyard, and we need to take advantage of any opportunity we get to use the wind."

Zoro's jaw dropped. "Several days?! Why can't you have the stupid cook do it? If his skills are half as great as he says they are, than he should have plenty of time!"

"He's going to help too, but I need everyone ready just in case."

Sanji grinned like a love-sick puppy. "Anything for you, Nami my dear!" he said, then his face returned to its normal ugly demeanor when he looked at Zoro. "And, just letting you know, my cooking is eight times better then I say – no, make that _fifteen_ times. You just have a crappy taste in food, that's all."

"Why – you…!" Zoro met the cook head-on, staring him down and pulling up his non-existent shirt-sleeve in preparation for a fight.

It was in that exact moment that the fist bolt of lightning decided to strike. It flashed across the sky like God himself decided to split the heavens in two. A resounding boom followed only a split-second later, and it was so loud that everyone on the ship nearly jumped out of their skins – some even screaming like little children (which _did not_ include Zoro, of course). Like a magnet, Chopper was instantly clinging to Zoro's leg as if the swordsman could somehow keep him from getting _struck by lightning_.

"Whoa…" said Luffy, clinging to the ship's railing. "So coooooool!"

"That was the biggest bolt of lightning I've ever seen," Nami breathed, eyes as big as saucers.

"I wanna go backkkkk!" cried Chopper and Usopp together as little droplets of rain began falling from the clouds.

Once everyone had settled their nerves a bit, Zoro caught sight of Luffy as the rubber-man slowly snuck across the deck in the direction of the outdoor freezer the cook had constructed. He tip-toed in dramatic fashion, looking back and grinning sneakily when he saw Sanji wasn't on watch over is precious fish.

_Idiot cook isn't even paying attention,_ Zoro thought, watching as Dartboard Brow drooled over Nami and blabbed about how beautiful she looked against the bright streak of lightning. Realizing that their future dinners may be at stake, Zoro sighed and jumped down to the main deck. That is, _after_ he managed to pry off the fuzzball glued to his leg and attack it to Usopp so they could comfort each other. Stalking across the deck and grabbing the back of Luffy's shirt, he tried to pry the captain off the already preyed-upon meat.

"Come on, Luffy," Zoro growled, "that fish isn't just for you. I want some too, you know. Can't you ever think of anyone besides yourself?"

"Uut Iuu huwwy."

"Like I care if you're hungry! Now get off!" He tugged, but Luffy only wrapped his rubbery arms around the entire freezer.

Zoro almost growled. He didn't have time for this. The rain was getting heavier, and he knew any second the wind would be so strong they'd have to put up the sails.

By now Sanji had noticed them both, and a murderous glint leapt into his single visible eye. "Just what the hell are you two doing to my wonderful fish?!"

"It's not me!" Zoro protested angrily. "Luffy's the one trying to eat all our food! And by the way, shouldn't _you_ be the one down here holding him off, not me?"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Fine then, I'll just let him eat everything if that's what you want!"

"Oh, just shut up and keep pulling!"

Once Sanji ran down the stairs, he hooked a foot around Luffy's midsection. "Alright, we pull on three. One….Two…"

Three never came. A huge wave crashed against the side of the ship, causing the vessel to tip violently. Both Zoro and Sanji grabbed onto Luffy so they wouldn't go flying across the deck and into the swarming ocean below. Lightning flickered all around, and the wind picked up until Zoro felt like his skin was going to be blasted off. Other crew members all round them screamed. The captain wasn't holding onto the freezer for food anymore. He was just trying not to be fish chow.

"OLD ONNNN!" Luffy cried, his teeth still latched onto the hunk of meat.

"Luffy, you moron!" The cook and swordsman yelled together. Honestly, this was getting old.

Suddenly, something make Zoro pause – his mind clearing like he had just come up from underwater.

The sensation was…prickling. It tingled at the back of his neck, and everything seemed to slow down. It was the feeling he got right before a bomb was about to go off, or a blade would sink into his flesh. He could _feel_ its _power_…not that it did any good. Glancing over at the cook, Zoro saw his eyes wide with alarm, and, turning to the swordsman, he mouthed something Zoro couldn't catch. Evidently, dartboard brow felt it too.

The lightning struck with a force unbeknownst to man. Zoro could remember his vision flashing yellow, the electrifying sensation coursing through his bones. Everything went numb, and then disappeared altogether as he felt his heart stop beating.

_This pain is…different. Not like the sting of a blade, or the crushing pressure of the deep ocean. It's…._

…_Almighty._

And it was utterly _terrifying_.

Vaguely, Zoro realized he was flying extremely fast. He might not have known what that felt like, if Luffy wasn't constantly snapping the swordsman across the world with those rubbery devil-fruit powers of his. Gradually, a light began to grow in the distance. He wasn't sure if he was getting closing, or the spot was only getting bigger – but then again, he didn't really care.

_Don't tell that whole "go towards the light" crap is true,_ thought Zoro sourly. _Because if it is, I am _not_ going in that direction. Like I could die from a little bolt of lightning_

_. _

His thoughts may have been very gratifying, but unfortunately, fate didn't really see it that way.

In the next instant, Zoro was flung headfirst into the hole and found himself flouting in a totally white universe.

No, not floating. More like…falling.

Oh crap.

Tipping forward, a strangled yell escaped his mouth as he started to plunge into the white void. Flailing his limbs, the swordsman caught sight of a dark-haired man standing beneath him, adoring some type of uniform. At the sound of Zoro's yell, the man looked up, his eyes widening to the size of dinner plates.

_Idiot! Get out of the way!_

Too late, they collided head-first and everything exploded into stars and rainbows and one cook's stupid, grinning face.

Oh, Sanji and his precious fish was _so_ going to pay for this.

* * *

><p>When Zoro woke up, someone was talking to him.<p>

She was a pretty someone, as someones go. With light hair pinned up into a bun, brilliant eyes, and a stern look on her face, she might have actually been beautiful, if he were interested in that sort of thing. She was saying something, and if he concentrated, he could just make out what it was.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Happened? No….not really. Maybe something about lightning…

Zoro placed his hand on his head, noticing the darkness outside the room. Who was this chick, anyway? He felt like he should know her. "I don't…." he muttered. He meant to say "I don't remember you" and "where the hell am I?", but the words just wouldn't come.

"You shouldn't be sitting up just yet, sir. You've been hospitalized for more than twenty-four hours."

There his body went again, doing whatever it wanted. He almost considered punching it, but thought that that might be a bit counterproductive. Plus Chopper would scold him, and it was always a pain trying to get the little fussy fuzz-ball to calm down.

Then he paused. Had that woman just called him "_sir_"?

"I feel like I went drinking again with Hughes," he muttered, closing his eyes. That didn't make sense either. Who the heck was Hughes? And couldn't even _remember_ the last time he had a hangover.

_Great, now I'm spouting nonsense! Where's the doctor when you need him?_

The woman was speaking to him again, but he must have blacked out because all he caught was something about hitting his head. Pfff, as if something as trivial as _hitting his head _would do anything.

Suddenly, panic gripped his chest like a vice. He shot upward, gabbing the woman's arm. Images of a young, fair-haired boy wearing a red coat leapt into his head unbidden. "What happened to Edward? Is he alright?" he asked frantically. Zoro felt like he was getting pulled along, trying desperately to catch up to what his body was doing. Before he could clamp his arms around his stupid, blubbering mouth, his body jumped out of the bed it had been laying in, and ran across the room to the door.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ARM!?"

A headache was starting to form right at the center of Zoro's cranium. As if things weren't bad enough, the kid he had seen in his head was standing in the middle of the hallway screaming about his arm….which appeared to be made out of metal.

Ok, so maybe the kid wasn't so crazy after all. Zoro would freak out too if his arm was some kind of cyborg-thingy.

"Nami? Robin? What the hell is going on here? Where am I?"

Wait a minute…that sounded awfully like…

"Love-cook?"

Everyone turned to look at Zoro. What? Was if something he said? Well, he couldn't really blame them. The kid didn't even _look_ like the cook, even with the same colored hair. His voice was also different, not to mention the metal limbs.

But even after all that, something about his voice set Zoro's teeth on edge; or it would, if he had any control over his body at the moment. It was the tone of that stupid curly brow. He would know it anywhere.

And, just to confirm his suspicions, the kid turned to look at him, his eyes wide with surprise and something akin to relief.

"Zoro?"

Everyone was staring at them both now, some of them looking more surprised than others. For the first time, Zoro noticed a tall suit of armor standing next to the cook-turned-little-kid, hovering over him like a fussy mother. And now that he thought about it, didn't a little boy's voice come out of that hunk of metal? Ah well, he could deal with that later. Right now he had something else to think about.

Zoro burst out laughing.

"What's with the new look, Dartboard Brow? Eat the shorty fruit or something?"

Nobody breathed. Nobody aside form Zoro, that is, who laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed until he was bent over, using the wall for support and sweating profusely. His head hurt, and despite everything, his hands shook with the effort it took to stay in control.

_Stop it! Stop laughing like a retard!_

Zoro froze off in a choke. _Who…?_

"Sir?" said the blond lady standing behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

"No, Hawkeye," he said, tone serious. "I don't think so."

…Now that he thought about it, his voice sounded completely different. He felt different too, as if his arms weren't at full strength. At first he thought it was just because he had been unconscious, but now he didn't know if that was the case.

This whole time, the cook had been standing there, staring gob-smacked at Zoro as if he couldn't believe the swordsman would have the gall to laugh at him. But just as quickly his expression transformed to something slightly more deadly.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORTY!?"

Zoro stared at that little blond boy. Then, slowly, a smile crept across his face. "Well Fullmetal, looks like you're still your temperamental self." He turned to the woman standing behind him. "Sorry about that. Not really feeling myself tonight."

_This is bad. I think I'm going crazy…and crazy can't be good for my military career._

Ok, Zoro _knew_ that wasn't his thoughts. And if it wasn't from him, crazy or no, that only left one option….

_There's someone else in my head!_ Both him and the intruder thought together.

Storming forward, Zoro's body grabbed the not-Sanji and started dragging him towards his hospital room. "Come on Fullmetal," he growled.

The kid started struggling and kicking with all his might. "Who you calling Fullmetal, you moss-!"

Before he could finish, the other guy in Zoro's head tossed the kid into the hospital room. Then he turned back to the crowd of staring, dumbfounded people and smiled. "Nothing to see here, folks! You can all go back to your business now."

The suit of armor reached forward, as if he wanted demand an explanation, but Zoro just slammed the door in his face.

Zoro's body leaned against the door and signed. _I'm never going to live this down, am I? _

_Oi! You, in my head! Wanna stop messing with my body?_

_Me? This is _my_ body!_

Zoro looked down. _What the Hell!?_

Even dressed in a loosely-fitted hospital gown, the swordsman could tell his appearance had changed. His arms were now thinner, with a moderate amount of muscle but nowhere near the amount he'd had before. Looking at his feet, he saw that his ankle scars were gone, along most of the other marks that had maimed him over the years.

A painful feeling gripped his chest. Those scars were a part of him, inside and out. They were the proof of just how far he had come after joining Luffy's crew. He felt almost naked without them – but, then again, standing here in a thin hospital gown, he almost _was_ naked.

_Hey! Just what the hell is going on here!? Where am I?! And where the hell are my swords?! You better have an explanation for this, or I swear I'll-_

_Whoa, whoa!_ Zoro's hands raised into the air, as if he were warding off a dangerous predator. _Don't you think I should be asking the questions? _You're_ the one in _my_ head!_

Zoro backed off a bit. Ok, so maybe the guy was right. Maybe he was just as clueless as Zoro. And, then again, maybe he was just a lying scumbag who had snatched the swordsman's mind from his body and was trying to….to…ok, so maybe Zoro had no idea what good that would do, but that didn't mean he could trust him!

Sensing his thoughts sinking into darker territory, the man jumped to reassure him before the swordsman did something drastic. _Hey, wait a minute! I'm just as freaked about this as you are, I swear! The last thing I remember was the circle and the lightning and…._

Suddenly, the guy's body paled. His breathe quickened, and blood hammered in his ears. _I remember…oh crap, this isn't good._

Zoro's alarm raised a couple of notches. _What? Hey, clueless! _What _isn't good?_

On the other side of the room, the young shorty-cook cleared his throat. He looked shaken, and was glancing around the room as if he were in some type of an illusion. "Hey, uh…Mustang? I think…there's someone in my head."

They both gaped at him. He was just now getting this?

The kid caught one look at Zoro's – this _Mustang's_ – face, and scowled. "Stop looking at me like that, with that pompous face of yours!"

Zoro scowled. "Yeah? What's the idiot in your head saying?"

_Hey! Don't just do whatever you want in my body! _

The kid blinked, as if surprised Zoro hadn't called him crazy. Then his face darkened. "He won't stop freaking out over my automail. It's getting a little crowded in here." He flinched and rubbed his temple. Zoro noted that his hands were shaking.

This wasn't good. Knowing that guy, he'd probably woken up confused and disoriented, seen the metal appendages, then assumed the worst and freaked out. Without his hands, he couldn't cook (which was the only thing he was half-decent at), and without his feet, he couldn't fight on Luffy's crew. Zoro didn't know if there was anything worse. Stepping forward, the swordsman snatched the kid's metal arm and held it in front of his face. "Oi, shorty-cook!" he snapped, trying to see if curly brow was in there somewhere. However, that seemed to be the _wrong_ thing to say, because the kid let loose a furious exclamation and kicked Zoro in the shin with his metal foot.

"Don't call me small! Or I'll cut your legs into thousands of tiny LITTLE PIECES!"

_Oops…I forgot to warn you about Edward…._

A strangled _Uh-ha_ was all the thoughts Zoro could form as he grit his teeth, but he held fast to Edward's arm. Evidentially this guy had a very low pain tolerance.

Which sucked.

_A lot_.

"Cook," he growled, a little too eager to get revenge and maybe a little bit scared for his crewmate. "Nami and Robin hate your Tea."

For a second, everything seemed to stand still. Zoro just had time to regret what he said before a full-blown kick to the chest sent him flying across the room. Good thing it wasn't his metal leg that time, or else Zoro's ribs would've been totaled.

"STUPID MOSS-HEAD! I'LL…I'll…"

Sanji was practically steaming, but as soon as he caught sight of the metal arm, all the fury evaporated. He clutched the limb like it was the only thing keeping him anchored to the earth. "What…what the hell is going on?"

"Well, isn't that the question of the day…" Mustang groaned, sitting up slowly.

_Seems like your friend has a temper on him as well…Thanks for the warning._

_That's payback._

Sanji scowled at him. "Are you really that arrogant swordsman?"

Straightening out his hospital-issued gown like it was some fancy suit, Mustang glared right back at him. "No, but your friend seems to be stuck in my head, as I'm sure you're stuck in Fullmetal's."

Zoro snatched control of the body. "Yeah, anyone want to tell me how _that_ happened?"

"Actually…." The kid (who Zoro guessed wasn't Sanji anymore) had a thoughtful look on his face – his metal hand placed on his chin. "I think I remember…As if!...Shut Up! I'm trying to think! …hum…oh yeah!" He pointed an accusing finger at Mustang. "You! You're the stupid-ass that activated the circle!"

"Me!? I hardly even touched it! And weren't _you_ the idiot _standing_ on it?"

They were both head-to-head now, glaring each other down like bulls.

_Huh… _Zoro wondered. _Well_ this_ seems oddly familiar_

The argument didn't last very long. As if by a silent signal, both guys backed off, Edward paling significantly.

"Fullmetal?" Mustang asked, frowning.

The kid rubbed one flesh-and-blood hand down his face. "I remember…it was white."

Mustang nodded. "It was. Does that mean…"

_That doesn't sound good… Hey! What does what mean?!_

"Yeah, I think it does."

Zoro was getting tired of being left out of the conversation. _Does? DOES?! What the hell are you two talking about?!_

Mustang sighed and rubbed the bone between his eyes. That headache was coming back full throttle, he felt nauseous, and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. "Great. Just…wonderful."

_Hey! You'd better tell me what the hell is going on, or I swear I'll find my swords and shove them up your-_

"It means we died, genesis," Mustang growled.

Zoro froze. Died…?

"And that's not even the worst part," the kid said, his voice low and heavy.

"Worst part…?" Zoro asked with Mustang's mouth.

He nodded. "The real question is…how did we get back?"


End file.
